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Cricket Club

May 12, 2016

News from the Cricket Club

115 Comments

  1. Hey you Fordcombe toffs, your village had a football team during the 1950s.
    I would be most interested to read about them here.
    So get to it – chop chop.
    Thanking you wholeheartedly in advance.
    This is a very nice website, but just needs a little lower class content.
    I used to live near Borough Green, and admired Fordcombe FC for their sustained effort and exemplary sportsmanship.
    Enjoy all that cake at the Village Fete!

  2. Those were the days!
    Another team that I admired was Charcott FC.
    Perhaps that veteran fielder, with back to the camera, remembers both clubs?
    He has that classic goalkeeper’s positioning – as about to make a cat-like leap to save.
    He reminds me of former Shipbourne FC goalkeeper, Peter Fairweather – the Tonbridge & District League representative team member during the early 1950s.

    I was into cricket big time, too.
    But it’ s been a long day, and time for cocoa and biscuits right now. But no dunking – my Mum didn’t allow it.
    Cheers! All the best!

  3. That fielder is quite a trend setter, with his/what is it?, tucked down into his nether garment like that.
    I got quite jealous when my girlfriend wouldn’t looking at his stylish stance.
    When is he going to get a haircut?

  4. That is meant to be ‘when my girlfriend wouldn’t cease looking.’
    She said I did that on purpose, so that I could boast about having a girlfriend.
    Women!

  5. My girlfriend says, that fielder is remaining so youthful looking – what with not wearing braces to hold up his trousers, and exposing his ‘Persil white’ socks like that.
    My Mum used to say that ‘Persil washes whiter’, was oh so true. She would never buy a product like Tide.
    I wonder if that fielder uses Persil, when washing his socks?

  6. I might refer to that fielder as ‘Arthur.’
    After Plaxtol born and raised Arthur Fielder that is – not Dudley Moore.
    Or maybe ‘Pip’, the nickname of Mr. Fielder – one of the all-time Kent CCC ‘greats’.
    I wonder if that fielder has a nickname?

  7. Further afield, in a hamlet near Jarvis Brook where they ‘talk sort of funny’, it was mentioned that the photo depicts a ‘cricket match’ which is not taking place.
    That the two gentlemen are ‘acting’ for this.
    I told them they were jealous.
    And muttered: “Sussex born, Sussex bred; Strong in arm, weak in head.”
    Luckily, I had earlier applied some ultra strength ‘Tiger Balm’ ointment to my touch of arthritis, rheumatism, lumbago and sciatica – and managed to leave rather rapidly.

  8. Look at that – young, educated twitterers down the edge of the comments.
    And following closing time at the Chafford Arms – despite insects, dew, frost or whatever – they will probably take an extended snooze on the cricket table, before continuing home.
    Encroachment everywhere nowadays.

  9. Just out of curiosity, what %age of viewers would like to see twitterer, ‘val’s green bikini’, in front of those bushes taking in the cricket?
    Maybe she could be superimposed on same?
    Her swimming costume should not be darker than traffic light green. But then, I’m not fussy about that – as long as she appears to be having a good time, then I’m happy too.

  10. What have those selfish triathlete cyclists got to do with Hever Castle anyway?
    I would like to see them on Fordcombe cricket ground, facing the bodyline bowling of Harold Larwood.
    The wimps would probably be wearing suits of armour.
    I wasn’t able to walk for 5 and a half months, after being hit by one of them.

  11. I’ve got to stop my girlfriend from looking at that photo for a while.
    It’s making her back ache – imagining herself permanently in positions like them.
    And she’s over applying my ultra strength, ‘Tiger Balm’ ointment.
    That stuff’s expensive!
    And you can smell her, almost from Fordcombe to Penshurst.

  12. Talking about fast bowlers…..
    J. C. T. Page was from Mereworth, and played for Kent CCC from 1950 until 1963.
    John was initially opening fast bowler; on switching to off spin he became known as Colin.
    During the late 1940s – at King George’s Field, St. Mary’s Platt – my brother was hit on the head by a delivery from [then] John.
    My brother still shakes his head occasionally – a reminder of one of his claims to fame.

  13. I wonder if the scorer of Fordcombe CC will leave a comment?
    Charles Dickens used to be the scorer during the annual cricket match between Gad’s Hill Place and local Gad’s Hill-ites. He was next best thing to being squire.
    For a few years, prior to the age of 15, I was the scorer for Basted CC. Our closest matches to Gad’s Hill were versus Mockbeggar CC – like Gad’s Hill, also in the Parish of Higham.

  14. As a friend and neighbour, please bear with me!
    Have received a few phone calls regarding last post.
    That was the hamlet of Basted, not Brasted village.
    The club had its idiosyncratic ground on a hillside overlooking the Bourne Valley.
    There are photos from 1903 of the team, and with opponents, on several websites.
    They moved years ago from that rough hewn venue to the more manicured surroundings of Tonbridge Sports Ground.
    I wonder if the club is still going…..

  15. One of those ‘Sussex born, Sussex bred’ acquaintances, has expressed relief that I have not mentioned the demise of Queen Anne.
    Hmm, sort of expecting that…..
    Thinks : maybe I can find/borrow something, written by the talented John Sworder.

  16. That lithe, athletic-looking fielder must be upwards of 47, eh?
    So to maintain my girlfriend’s attention, while looking so splendid in his whiter-whites, he could well be applying the Non-staining, Super Ultra Strength, Tiger Balm Sports Rub ointment, eh?
    And that means he would have the money to spend for it.
    Another plus for him.

  17. It has been often mentioned, that the fielder looks to have remarkable energy.
    And that with so many attractive widows around these days, he must be kept rockin’ away non-stop, at the ‘Early Rock n Roll’ Revival Dances.
    I might try to get back to those ‘daily dozen’ exercises, that were quite common at one time.
    And practice those jive moves, that I remember watching.
    Then get out on the corner of the dance floor one of these nights, build up my confidence, and enjoy some fun-time experiences like the fielder.
    As well as Tunbridge Wells, I’m starting to remember some of those Crowborough dances and girls again.
    Great times and memories!

  18. Surely one viewer anyway, must remember him?
    -or ask your grandparents.
    About that youngish guy in Tunbridge Wells, who ‘looked, sang, played piano, and combed his hair while performing’ like Jerry Lee Lewis.
    He was pretty good.
    The only thing missing was the audience pelting him with tomatoes.
    Some might have to check the internet to find out what I’m referring to.
    Although that fielder would have possessed a cultured throwing action, a Tunbridge Wells audience would never have done anything like that.

  19. My girlfriend is inconsolable at present.
    On clicking to the News from Cricket Club/enlarged photo, the fielder’s sparkling white socks and footwear now disappear.

  20. [interruption/senior moment/am continuing].

    Please, please try to adjust the photo at your earliest convenience.
    My fingers are crossed that this can be achieved by the commencement of New Years celebrations.
    Thank you!
    Happy new year! All the best to one and all!

  21. It’s OK now, I suppose.
    A different web browser is causing what I’ve just mentioned.
    I’ve been, sort of more used to writing postcards.
    Thanks again!

  22. See: September 27 at 6:53 pm.

    Johnnie Geddes played for St. Mary’s Platt CC during the 1920’s/30s.
    During the late 50s, he was mentioning a player with opponents Roydon Hall CC (East Peckham), who had made his own artificial leg out of wood.
    Smart Alec [not me] : “who had made his own artificial leg out of wood – called?”
    Johnnie : “I do not recollect the species of wood used, and probably thought more about the metal working parts he devised. I’ll check prostheses history for a possibility.”
    Smart Alec : “I was thinking of a man with a wooden leg called Smith. I don’t know what the other one was called.”

    Johnnie mentioned that the man’s nickname had been ‘Long John Silver’ – and that he, Long John, used to have a good laugh about it.

  23. Pity that can’t be adjusted, so the fielder doesn’t get chopped off those inches above his ankles.
    She blamed me!
    So I was forced to buy her a large bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream to make up for it!

  24. ‘The Brothers – A Cricketing Ballad 1915.’
    Written by Miss Oxley.
    Thought you might be interested!

    “All the boys of Borough Green
    Were playing at the ball
    And Dan the captain of the team
    Was smartest of them all.

    The bowler sent the ball right up
    At a tremendous pace
    The bail flew and hit poor Dan
    A fine smack in the face.

    And while he bowed unto the ground
    And hopped about in woe
    Which time the team looked on to see
    The blood began to flow.

    And while they all did ask of him
    If he were better yet,
    His brother George did turn about
    And light a cigarette.

    But like a valiant captain bold
    Dan clean forgave his brother
    Long may they live in Borough Green
    Long may they love each other.”

    The mentioned Crowhurst family – who lived at Whiffen’s Farm, Borough Green – were stalwarts of the Cricket Club from the 1900s to the 1960s.

    In 1938, Dan Crowhurst was still the captain of Boro’ Green CC. His son-in-law Lou Masters, and son Frank Crowhurst, were also players on the team.
    Another son-in-law, Tom Marmont, was playing for Borough Green Wednesday CC.

  25. Google Chrome shows the fielder’s Persil White socks in a larger, brighter, vastly superior version of the photo.
    Microsoft Edge is very poor in comparison.
    My girlfriend insists on using the latter browser.
    I’m sure it’s because she wants to moan at me. And get me to buy her a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream every so often.
    Can’t really afford it…..

  26. See October 6 and January 12 comments – have received some phone calls regarding same.
    Most games were played on Sundays at Basted cricket ground.
    On mornings before afternoon games, one of the players would go to nearby Crowhurst Farm, Crowhurst Lane, to borrow the tractor.
    It was hitched up to gang mowers, so that the outfield could be made ready, whilst others prepared the playing strip.
    Callers had mistakenly thought, that the cricketing/farming Crowhurst family, had lived at Crowhurst Farm.

  27. As I commenced by mentioning 2 football clubs, some would like a footballing comment.
    OK, well sort of…..
    Quite a character from the past was known as ‘Bob Dog’.
    He had been employed for a while by the builders Curtis & Caine (later F.P.Caine Ltd.) of Borough Green. I mostly heard workers born prior to WW1 speak about him.
    He used to run head first into the side of the moving company lorry which was being driven by George ‘Bandy’ Fuller. Also head first into brick walls – one of his party tricks was to throw a brick into the air, and then head it.
    Some said that he was thus nicknamed, because he could catch a rabbit with his bare hands. His real name was Frank Hooker and he lived in Addington.
    He played football for a few teams in the area – including while in his fifties, Ryarsh United.
    With the laws of the game preventing him from taking a hod load of bricks onto the pitch, he turned cartwheels during the game.

  28. With a shortage of players, Fordcombe CC just about managed to scrape together a skeleton team.
    Following the match, one of their players walked into the Chafford Arms.
    Bar tender : “What will it be for you then, Sir?”
    Skeleton : “A pint of mild, please – and a mop.”

  29. Re : The Joseph Wells who was born in a cottage at Penshurst Place Estate in 1828.
    His father taught him gardening during his formative years, in the Penshurst gardens. Then obtained an under-gardener position for him at the famous Redleaf Garden nearby. This was during his 16th to 19th years, and he wasn’t too interested at the time.
    During summer, he would run straight from work to Penshurst cricket ground, to get in half an hour of cricket – or until it was too dark to see the ball.
    In June 1862, with his deadly slow spinners and while representing Kent CCC, he became the first bowler in county cricket to take 4 wickets in 4 consecutive balls.
    One of his sons was H. G. Wells.

  30. I’ve been asked to mention these further details.
    In 1843 the head gardener at Penshurst Place, Joseph Wells, put his son Joseph Wells into a place as under-gardener to Redleaf Garden’s head gardener, Joseph Wells.
    William Wells was owner of Redleaf.
    Only the first 2 of the 4 mentioned Wells were related.
    Joseph Wells became head gardener at Redleaf – 12 years before Joseph Wells’ appointment as head gardener at Penshurst.
    The person asking me about this had been a little confused.

  31. See : February 8 post.
    My memory is de-fogging a little.
    It has been mentioned by a former Ryarsh resident, that he knew of Bob Dog, and assumed his Christian name was Robert.
    ‘Everyone’ that I knew called Frank Hooker “Bobdog”/not Bob Dog.
    ‘Bob…’ would have been to represent the idiosyncratic movements that he made.
    A 93 year old lady ‘well remembers Bobdog when he lived in Ryarsh Lane,’ and said his real name was Harry Hooker.
    Frank Hooker was born (and lived) in East Malling in 1901, and lived in several West Malling area Parishes, before he died in 1970.

  32. What with his party trick of heading house bricks, etc., it seems like natural inclination that at one time Bobdog lived in the single cottage by Redlands Farm; along Ryarsh Lane, West Malling.
    Redlands Farm would have been named for the type of soil – the red clay which was used for manufacturing brick and roofing tile in the Malling Rural District.
    One of the several prominent manufacturing companies was named Redland Tile; they were based in Ightham.

  33. I’ve had a note pushed through my letter box, imploring me to submit a comment concerning the fielder.
    It mentions his impressive athleticism, which when accompanied by taking gingko biloba tablets will be highly beneficial in stimulating his hippocampus.
    It added that he would be far superior to myself when submitting posts of his memories.

  34. My girlfriend seems to be getting slightly addicted to Bailey’s Irish Cream.
    And thinks I’ve got some money hidden somewhere.
    I don’t know about some city streets being supposedly paved with gold anymore – but she’s been hinting that moving to Poundsbridge might affect me (really her) favourably.

  35. My girlfriend keeps a journal in which she writes about her choices, decisions, experiences; hopes and expectations.
    Flicking a few pages, I see that she’s placed a large Bailey’s Irish Cream sticker at the upcoming Easter weekend section.
    I’m going to hide the other Bailey’s stickers.

  36. There she was last night, my girlfriend sitting in her favourite rocking chair – wearing away the carpet.
    While that fielder was also probably rocking the night away, dancing with an attractive widow or 2.
    I mentioned about the carpet. She became a little sulky – quoting Berra’s Second Law : “Anyone who is popular [like her] is bound to be disliked.”
    Sigh! A reminder for me to buy that bottle.
    Happy Easter all!

  37. Richard Dixon attended The Judd School, Tonbridge, and is acknowledged as one of the ‘famous’ people from Borough Green.
    A chemist of note, he specialized in the thermal and optical properties of matter.
    He was awarded the Rumford Medal in 2004.
    Although I was not named after him – he is sort of a distant relation of mine. His cat did its business by our row of sweet peas.

  38. Touring Fleas Cause a Sensation!
    During October 1889, an exhibition of touring fleas at the Chafford Arms caused great mirth and amusement and attracted many inquisitive village and hamlet folk.
    The talented and highly respectable trained and educated troupe of fleas walked tight ropes, rode tricycles, pulled timber wagons and performed many other marvelous feats.
    I’m feeling a bit itchy.

  39. Two Women or Twelve Men.
    There was a fox that had three young ones, and when the time came to fend for themselves, the old fox took them to a house. There was great talk going on inside the house. He asked the first two young ones if they could tell him who was in the house. They couldn’t. Then he tried the third.
    ‘Who is inside?’ asked the old fox.
    ‘Either two women or twelve men,’ said the young one.
    ‘You’ll do well in the world,’ said the old fox.
    ‘Taint allowed ‘eard modern times at Chafford Arms, or within range of my girlfriend’s hearing – or I’m dinged again for a Bailey’s Irish Cream.

  40. Tell that fielder he’s really getting ‘with it.’
    Shaved heads are so mid-2000’s now – Friar Tucks are making a comeback.
    Watch out Maid Marion!

  41. VILLAGE FETE 2017.
    There is a growing demand, from admiring ladies and jealous men, for the athletic-looking fielder to open same.
    Ladies admire mature men who look so youthful for their age, and men are eager to learn his health secrets.
    Many would like to have selfies taken with him; and purchase professionally-taken, front/back/side photos of him, also. Signed by him, of course.
    He could be a sensation; and the 2017 Fete, a huge success.

  42. The fielder : I think cricket table ryegrass is growing out of my ears.
    Doctor : How did that happen?
    The fielder : I don’t know. I planted British Columbia (BC Bud) marijuana seed.

  43. When I was younger and foolish,
    I was briefly known as my sweetheart’s ‘streetheart.’
    I had been out of work at the time –
    and sleeping under an Ightham CC, cricket ground bench.
    When she had raided the larder,
    we were happy as pigs in you know what.

  44. Happy New Year, folks! More about Bobdog.
    A gentleman who lived in Addington mentions that Bobdog lived at the junction of East Street and Woodgate Road, Addington during the 1960’s. He objected to the building of the M25 and laid in front of the diggers in protest.
    The 93 year old lady mentions that, while a fireman in the West Malling Brigade he was tragically killed when he fell from a roof.
    Mr. Hooker was certainly a very well known character. I’m wondering how many other names he was known as besides Bob, Frank, Harry and Roy.

  45. Well, that was Paul Foreman who mentioned the ‘M25’ motorway – he also mentioned the ‘M26’!!
    I remember the M20 installation works, and the diggers on East Street, Addington. I knew he was wrong – but saw my blunder too late.
    Paul is a nice guy – apart from that!

  46. Hi there, Blackham & Ashurst FC supporters!
    When your team play Ightham/the Mighty Ites, and you are puzzled by the accents of their players, remember that they are mainly from the Malling/Larkfield/Ditton area.
    And best of luck tomorrow versus their neighbours St. Lawrence (Stone Street), in the Smiths Senior League Cup.

  47. Salesman : Try this new watch young man. You can water ski, snorkel or scuba dive with it on.
    The Fielder : That’s great! I can’t do any of those things now.

  48. Re : The something or other, tucked down into the back of the fielder’s cricket trousers.
    Some think that could be his own early version of the now commercially successful, Tiger Balm Lower Back Rejuvenating Plaster.
    Could it be one of his secrets, for possibly continuing to play cricket after that batsman has retired from the game?
    A continuing Fordcombe treasure – what a nice thought!

  49. I’m told that the fielder is chuffed about his looks being favourably mentioned – and thinks one of the best things about getting older, is that there is nothing left to learn the hard way.

  50. People who say we should pay our tax bills with a smile are wrong. One time the fielder tried it, but they insisted on cash.

  51. Max, Clem and Josh O’Collins :
    Following your impressive individual performances for Fordcombe CC this past season; congratulations also to Max and Clem for while representing Penshurst Park FC, being currently tied on points for first place in your Division of the Sevenoaks and District League.
    That will be great if you attain promotion following your first season in the League.
    All the best!

  52. Apparently, one time the fielder didn’t get lucky.
    His overwhelming interest : ‘Just remember my saying no is not a rejection…and saying no to one thing is saying yes to something better.’
    The fielder : ‘Something better for who?’
    Her : ‘Whom. Something better for whom.’
    P.S. Actually, she was most attractive…and in her twenties. Her closing was not from Hyacinth Bucket.
    And the fielder was not lonely for long.

  53. Important Grownup’s cricket message;
    For the upcoming Fordcombe CC BBQ season :
    Large sausage seeks Hot Grill.
    Apply to Optimistic Fielder.

  54. Penelope Stoppit :
    I’ll definitely check things out.
    Can’t wait to get started.
    They might cool off a bit.

  55. Penelope : But what if he is ‘old school’ – and I have to meet his mother before I get my first kiss?

    Fielder : Corr! Well, there’s only one way to find out. [chuckle] And I’m in top form during springtime!

  56. ‘Best Wishes to Dick Dixon, Sincerely Yours …..’
    I saw 2/3 weeks ago, that Alex Stallwood had scored 20 goals for Penshurst Park FC this season. I wonder which one of the O’Collins Clan, representing Fordcombe CC/Penshurst Park FC, will be most reliable to get me his autograph?
    My girlfriend wants ALL their autographs; O’Collins Clan players too – she’s always trying to make me jealous! I wish now and again they would chip in, helping me to buy those bottles of Bailey’s Irish Cream which she demands. I have to get them, for some peace. Sigh….

  57. My girlfriend says that viewed from the back, the fielder has a gait that reminds her of Raheem Sterling.
    And when she’s had a few Bailey’s Irish Cream, that she would so much like to see them running together.

  58. Fielder : “I’d like my coffee without cream.”
    Waiter : “We’re out of cream. Will you take it without milk?”

  59. Mo Salah :
    “I don’t think Ramos’ tackle on me was by accident. He clutched my arm as I was going down, and then put his entire weight on it. This is not something normal. I’m very disappointed. If this is how Real Madrid wins, I don’t ever want to join them.”
    We love you Mo, come and play for Penshurst Park FC.

  60. Penelope :
    The fielder said he would take me to McDonald’s on the Moon one day.
    Great food he said, but no atmosphere.
    But I’m still so excited.

  61. The fielder : I just text one of the O’Collins Clan.

    I think it was Max. But I’ve forgotten at this moment. I will remember later I expect.

    It was to ask him if he was pleased Alex S. was in the PPFC squad last season.

    He said yes. I said is that because he scored over 20 goals. Or thereabouts?

    He said yes. I said I thought so. But you never know, you know. Do you?

    I like texting my mates.

  62. Nudge nudge, wink wink.
    I’m informed by normally reliable sources that the fielder is the ‘most lucky’ [not while playing cricket] member of Fordcombe CC. And by a country mile.
    My luck? As the crow flies – or just about opposite!

  63. Max and Clem O’Collins, Penshurst Park FC.
    The Sevenoaks & District Football League have just held an emergency meeting and are delighted to welcome the Panama national side to Division 4 next season.
    Go easy on them!

  64. While I was praising the fielder, he allegedly said : “Don’t make a fuss over me. Just treat me as you would anyone else who’s as great as I am.”

  65. 1960’s sign outside W.Smithers & Sons Ltd., Cowden yard.
    They were hiring someone to dig holes : “Ground – level position available.”

  66. MacMillan Charity Cup.
    Roselands FC 3 , Penshurst Park FC 4 ., at Mascall’s Academy, Paddock Wood.

    My girlfriend was there, hoping that the fielder might be playing, and wearing those
    same short shorts that he wore when he was younger.

  67. From Yura Anik, [not Your Attic /hee! hee! little joke]; Nuuk, Greenland.
    Dear Mr. Fielder : It’s surprising how many people our age are so much older than we are. Don’t you think? I can tell that from my Inuit heritage.
    My wife and I enjoy reading about you so very much.
    If we had a cricket pitch, it would have been getting less covering of snow that stayed around. If you get my drift, hee! hee!
    Hope you are having a happy weekend, my friend.

  68. The fielder called the police station to say he’d been receiving a lot of nuisance phone calls.
    “Oh, not you again!” they said.

  69. Horace Johnson :
    “That fielder was just one amazing, surprising dude – got an “O” level GCE in tasseography.
    Maybe analyzing the head on a pint of beer; well, I can see him doing that, but… whew! all I can say is What a Guy!!”

  70. The enormously tiddly fielder, at the 1964 Mod’s outing to Brighton.
    Important sign : Do not walk past the end of the pier for a beer. Oops! too late.
    Good job he had all that grounding – record number of swimming badges, in the River Medway, with Hedge Barton Wolf Cubs and Scouts.

  71. Horace Johnson :
    I remember the fielder having a midlife crisis while playing hide-and-seek behind those cricket ground bushes, and automatically losing.
    He couldn’t find himself.

    He was soon back to his admirable, normal self however.

    And thankfully not stealing my girlfriend from me.

  72. The fielder :
    “Never believe anybody who tries to prove something with statistics; 83.5% of them are completely made up.”

  73. Horace Johnson :
    It’s never too early to be annoyed by The fielder – umm… I mean, The Grinch.
    Haa! haa! Hee! hee! Always having fun, aren’t we?
    Especially the fielder.
    Have you bought ‘the fielder’ tee-shirt, yet?

  74. Max and Clem O’Collins; Penshurst Park FC and Fordcombe CC.
    Send your scouts to the Borough Green area.
    Your fierce rivals Roselands FC, picked up those wily veterans : Mike Bateman; Russ McEwan; Mike Beverley and Max Bridges from Potters FC.
    And, Gary and Jamie McAuliffe from Ightham FC.
    Best of luck, buddies !!

  75. Max and Clem :
    I meant you as my buddies, of course.
    Not those 6 guys improving Roselands FC.
    The Park, 2nd in Div. 4. KEEP IT UP !!

  76. The fielder, was looking remarkably young and healthy – then stopped eating an apple a day.
    It was keeping his favourite lady doctor away.

  77. Speaking,…..ahhumm, respectably,
    It has been overheard, that the fielder quite admired Miss Glenda Jackson’s upper nice body parts, when she was a little younger.
    What a blooming coincidence – so did I.
    I even dreamt about them last night!
    She had such a nice smile/grin.

  78. Horace Johnson :
    Life with the gentleman fielder, 3 weeks ago.
    Attractive Theresa May : “Preparations for an orderly exit should proceed.”
    Dominic Raab : “Goodbye Theresa.”
    Esther McVey : “Ta-ta!” and so on… “Toodles!” and on… “DO keep in touch.”
    The fielder : “Theresa. Can I comfort you? I’ll make you my No. 1 favourite politician.” Nudge, nudge, wink, wink; (in a nice, respectful, gentlemanly sort of way).

  79. Max and Clem O’Collins :
    I’ve heard that the fielder is very interested in becoming a sponsor for the new Penshurst Park FC weatherproof clothing.
    Apparently he’s wondering if himself, as bending over at the cricket ground, would appear on the back of the jackets.
    Quite a few women, and men, have expressed their desire to own such a jacket bearing that likeness.
    He is becoming quite a sex symbol!
    My girlfriend, is already bugging me to order her a couple of jackets with him bending over. And asking me about the colours that would be available.

  80. Re : October 11, 2018 comment – the fielder’s record number of swimming badges with the wolf cubs and boy scouts.
    His mum had to continually extend his trunks to accommodate them all.
    They became almost the same length as costumes which had been a fashion sensation in 1912.

  81. That’s not true – that for his Christmas holiday, the fielder went to a different pub.
    Don’t think so – anyway.

  82. Max and Clem O’Collins; Penshurst Park FC and Fordcombe CC.
    See : Nov. 11, 2018 comment.
    Don’t forget about sending your Park FC scouts to the Boro’ Green area!
    Roselands FC even held their 2017 Annual Awards Meeting at The Moat Public House, between Wrotham and Wrotham Heath.
    Being so close to home, several of them walked there and crawled back!

  83. Max and Clem :
    Well, maybe you should consider recruiting a few from Blackham & Ashurst, also.
    Although Potters, in their first League loss – to B & A, had a man sent off after 25 mins.
    But what a squad you could have.
    A good Penshurst Park 1st XI – and Reserves XI, too!
    And a 50 man squad – with 2 teams in the Kent County League – in the not, too distant future!
    AIM HIGH, Buddies!!

  84. From Jennifer.
    Guten Morgen, Mr. Fielder!
    You are such a young looking, superfit athlete, for your age.
    I see some others your age, and when they bend to tie their shoelaces, they wonder what else they can do while they are down there.
    Birthdays are good for you too. Research has shown that the more you have, the longer you live.
    It’s so amazing nowadays how young ladies think – that fit, mature, experienced men like yourself – are so unbelievably cute.

  85. The late all-rounder, Stuart Leary, had 6 catches in an innings for Kent CCC versus Cambridge University, in 1958.
    He played centre forward for Charlton Athletic FC, and was a good looking guy.
    My girlfriend has autographed photos of him.
    And she still keeps on about how super-sexy the fielder looks, in his bending-over fielding position.
    Her brother seems quite interested, too.

  86. Enter in your diary now!
    Friday 12th of April, 2019.
    FINAL of The Derek Hodge Cup.
    Horsmonden FC versus Penshurst Park FC.
    Venue : The Jockey Farm Stadium, Nellington Rd., Tunbridge Wells.
    KO 7PM.
    GO – Park – GO!!

  87. I am extremely ticked off!
    My neighbour claims, that judging by my continual praise of the fielder, he must have mildly unsavoury photos and/or video of me.
    This is ridiculous!
    I am SO innocent – well, compared to the fielder.
    That’s what I’ve heard, anyway.

  88. Yep, the fielder.
    As I grimly look at myself in a full length mirror, I’m reminded yet again how amazing he looks.
    And to think, the Office for National Statistics found that there were more happy people ages 65 to 84 than in his and other age groups.
    The good life for him, will continue to go on, and on, and on…..
    It is SO difficult not to feel envious.
    And my girlfriend will continue to look at his photo, and make me feel jealous….continuing sigh! after sigh! after….

  89. Do you notice the fielder needs a haircut?
    Apparently he’s going further with his hair than The Donald – not getting it cut, and combing it completely over his face.
    Stormy Daniels might like it.

  90. Max and Clem O’Collins; Penshurst Park FC and Fordcombe CC.
    From Roselands FC, goaltender Max Bridges back with Potters FC.
    The great manager, Gary Michael McAuliffe, running the show at Roselands FC now?
    The intense Penshurst Park FC/Roselands FC rivalry continues.
    Bring it on!
    GO – PARK – GO!!

  91. I’ve recently seen Boris de Pfeffel standing in a semi-hurricane wind.
    He’s been going bald since 2007 – it’s said he’s got undetectable magnetic wonder glue holding his hair at strategic points.
    If the fielder let’s his hair grow longer….he can do likewise, and become a heartthrob of women groupies who are circling Boris.

  92. During the summer of ’65, the fielder took his girlfriend to the remotest holiday resort on the Isle of Sheppey.
    It was so dull, one day the tide went out and never came back.

  93. As ever, the fielder….
    Looking exceptionally classy and super brave.
    Got my measuring tape out – not quite silly point, but he maintains his good looks.
    No silly walks or silly seasons either.
    As ever, my girlfriend and her brother still extremely interested….

  94. It seems strange….
    My girlfriend introduces her brother to some really nice ladies, who are delighted to converse with him.
    But pride of place on his bedroom wall, are photos of the fielder at approximately silly point.
    Go figure!?

  95. From the rear, although more svelte and athletic looking of course, the fielder does look a little like Boris.
    On the lighter side, from Tommy Tugboat of Tonbridge & Malling Toyland :
    Why didn’t the balding, golden bear Boris, cross the road?
    Because he didn’t want to be mistaken for a chicken.

  96. Over the years, there has been several notable recordings of the popular song “Temptation.”
    But it does seem a little odd, to hear my girlfriend’s brother singing same – while gazing at the silly point photo of the fielder, on his bedroom wall.

  97. Don’t complain about the traffic. If there were fewer cars on the road, it would be harder to find a parking place.
    And look at the fine physique and fitness of the fielder. Make the obese walk a bit more, I say. They’re taking up too many hospital beds already.

  98. I had a [previous] girlfriend who would ‘start’ a diet by reading the latest best selling book on the subject.
    She became an ‘expert’ at describing seven different types of diet at wine and cheese parties.
    Following a few years of this she had gained almost a stone and a half.
    I had the job of arranging and dusting her books.

  99. Continued, memories….
    She had a pair of Nike walking shoes, Adidas running shoes, and Puma something or others – all practically unused.
    She said they didn’t suit her gait, or I don’t know…
    She couldn’t swim, and I don’t think she’d ever ridden a bicycle.
    She attended evening classes about wine and cheese selection and tasting.
    I designed a cataloguing system for her diet books.
    She got to know ‘almost everything’ about modern healthy diets, and enjoyed being a lecturer.

  100. The most careful London immigrant, Chelsea tractor driver, in the Parish of Penshurst and environs?
    The one I saw, who just in time, saw a driver ahead of him get a ticket?

  101. Max O’Collins, Fordcombe CC and Penshurst Park FC.
    Well done with that cracker of a goal yesterday, Max. And after only 5 minutes, too!
    And you’ve got a great name – wish I had it.

  102. Max :
    So after that overwhelming victory last Saturday – a rest up for The Park today – then another half a dozen goals next Saturday?
    I suppose when he’s fit again, goal-scoring machine Alex Stallwood will be on the sub’s bench?
    Does Alex charge about half as much as the fielder for his autograph?
    Of course the fielder signs that bending over, approximately silly point position photo, doesn’t he?
    That signed photo will probably be highly valued one day, on Antiques Roadshow.
    GO – PARK – GO!!

  103. 19th-century performer Franz Liszt, was the equivalent of a modern day rock star.
    He got so many requests for locks of his beautiful hair, that he started sending admirers clippings of his dog’s fur instead.
    My girlfriend wonders if that’s starting to happen with the fielder – and wants some [of his real hair] too.

  104. Females never listen properly.
    My girlfriend : ‘I lost my keys again!’
    Me : ‘It’s in your jeans.’
    My girlfriend : ‘Don’t drag my family into this…’
    Aaw…sigh…

  105. Stevie De Styrofoam,
    From : Downtown Cowden.
    Formerly : Buenos Aires, and Falkland Islands.

    I would rather be a Jeremy Corbyn Communist than a Bojo Jewish Tory, any day of the week.
    Send the upper class private schools to Germany, and the money back to us Workers.

  106. Is the MP for Tonbridge and Malling related to Fritz and Greta Tugenhadt?
    They formally resided in the Tugenhadt House (Mies van der Rohe, Arch.) at Brno, Moravia.

  107. Name : Candy Kane.
    From : Rusthall.
    Hi! Mr. Fielder; MEET ME…Under the Mistletoe…at the Chafford Arms.
    I have something special for you – gluten-free too!

  108. Name : Mikey Mow
    From : Dunks Green High Street
    Is Tom Tugendhat of ‘Jewish News’ related to the MP for Tonbridge and Malling?
    My neighbour says he is, but he has got shifty eyes.

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